Escape From Portland

A very entertaining weekend, it was...

So, I had a gig in Portland on Friday night with Carrie and the boys. We played at a place called 'Imbibe.' Pretty cool place - good atmosphere and pretty decent food and drink. We had a great crowd and the show went fairly well. Groovy...

We stayed downtown that night and had a great time hanging out. (Courtesy of our quick stop at 7-11 for beer on the way to the hotel...) ANYhoo… Had a great time hangin’ out with Carrie, Damon, Larry and Greg.

As per the usual, I stayed up WAY too late and woke up later than I’d planned the next morning. Not TOO late, however, and I got ready pretty quickly. Well, for ME anyway…

One thing we hadn’t factored in regarding our Portland exit strategy was the addition of a big-ass parade through ALL of downtown Portland that morning. Yay. We were told by one source that we wouldn’t be able to get out of the parking garage until 2ish, but the hotel concierge told us otherwise. She said to go the wrong way down a one-way street and then turn into the special bus lane to get out of downtown… Fabulous plan – let’s try it!

So, I attempt to exit the hotel garage. After receiving a lecture from the parking attendant and the warning that I was either going to get a ticket or get arrested for what I was about to attempt, he begrudgingly moved the cones blocking the garage entrance. I turn the wrong way onto the one way street – kick ass!! Step one – outta the way! I turn into the bus lane next… It is at this time I notice that there are NO other cars on the streets – only a couple of buses. The concierge made it sound like OTHER PEOPLE would be doing this as well... Anyway - What I DO see, however, are MANY police officers. They’re on foot, in cars, on bikes, flying through the air on trapeze’… CRAP! It was at this precise moment that I whipped out my secret weapon – the ‘I have Washington State Plates’ card. I blended that with a sprinkling of ‘dumb blonde’ and hoped for the best. (Author’s Note: While although I do indeed have blonde hair, I do not normally support or endorse the propagation of the ‘dumb blonde’ shtick. HOWEVER – I ain’t goin’ to jail… In OREGON…)

With that said and done – away I went. As I drove down the deserted bus lane, numerous law enforcement officers were giving me the stink eye. I continued on with my confused/scared look and kept on driving down the road. I finally got through the center of town and was able to back-alley it through to MIRACULOUSLY the correct area! For the record, downtown Portland confuses me. To think that I drove the wrong way on a one way, down a bus only lane and under the evil eye of the Law and STILL made it where I was supposed to go – RIGHT ON! Oh, but then I got nailed by another unexpected detour on the other side of the bridge and had another traffic adventure… However, no police were involved this time and I STILL got where I needed to go… Yeah – Back to Washington State I headed!

Later that morning…

That evening, my little brother Josh was participating in a ‘battle of the bands.’ In fact, it was actually a ‘Smith Family Musical Weekend.’ My dad had a gig on Friday night as well! My brother, Ryan is a musician too, but he’s currently sailing towards the Panama Canal, so I doubt he was gigging that night… ANYways… The show was in the Tri-Cities, so I set off to drive from Portland to Eastern Washington. As I had already driven 5 ½ hours the day before to get to Portland (it should only take 3 hrs – traffic SUCKED) I wasn’t exactly excited to be in the car again. However, as it was for my little brother, all was well. Plus, I decided to take the Washington side rather than the Oregon side and it rocked! I took WA-14 and I highly recommend it! I hadn’t been that way in years and I’m so glad that I went! Beautiful mountains, meadows, rivers, quaint little towns, etc. The Oregon side is nice as well, but it’s a little more mainstream – with ‘lots of semis…

On the way, I decided to stop at Maryhill Museum and check things out. I hadn’t been there since I was a kid and I remember really enjoying it. Yes, for the record, I am a museum freak. There, now you know. Anyway, I arrived at Maryhill and hung out for a bit. Since I was running late due to my escape from Portland, I decided not to actually visit the museum proper. I checked out the grounds for a while, walked around a bit, etc. There was a cool family of peacocks that live on the grounds and that was nice. I’ll have to go back at a later date and visit the museum again. The Museum itself was commissioned by Sam Hill in the early 1900’s. He was a wealthy newspaper man in the area – interesting character and a very interesting mansion to be located where it is. I think he originally had it built for his love interest who never ended up joining him in the States… Don’t quote me, but I think that’s the deal… Hey – get off my back! I’ll fact check it and get back to you…

There are also AMAZING views of the Columbia River and Gorge. That area is sooo beautiful. However, if you can’t handle the wind – DON’T GO. DAMN! The Gorge has GOT to give Chicago a run for its wind money… One of these days I’d actually like to go wind-surfing… I’ve been thinking about this for YEARS now…

Anyways, I decide that I’ve had enough of the wind and away I go… But NOT before I notice that my lame-ass ‘check engine’ light is on AGAIN in my car. I’m serious – DO NOT buy a KIA Rio Cinco. For the love of Jimmy – don’t do it!! I am on my THIRD fuel pump in less than 10,000 miles and there have been a slew of other misc. items that I’ve had to deal with… It’s probably not cool, but at this point in time, I’m starting to ignore the light when it goes on… In addition to alerting me to some dumb-ass problem with the engine, it also goes off if I haven’t spent AT LEAST five minutes screwing on the gas cap… ARGH!

So now I’m driving down the road, in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, ignoring my ‘check engine’ light and realizing the fact that my AAA coverage has JUST expired… Good times…

Alrighty – CLIFF HANGER! Gotta go! I know you’re dying – and I haven’t even finished the camping story yet!!! What are you gonna do?!?!? Suck it up, cowboy! (or cowgirl :)

Ciao!