My Perfect Spot

Well, I guess it’s been a while… I haven’t been writing due to lack of things to write about – definitely not the case. It is more the case of there being too much to write about. Additionally, the things I need to write about have been just a bit overwhelming to process. But, I guess I gotta start somewhere… That being said, I guess I should go straight to the heart of the matter.

On December 3rd, my mom, Joann passed away. She was only 62 years and it was very sudden and unexpected. Much too early for her to say goodbye… Granted, she was dealing with a very serious and seemingly incurable condition, but she was working with the doctors to explore possibilities. My family understood the seriousness of the situation and we were all aware of the inevitable heartache to come, but we never thought it would arrive so quickly.

I’d like to share a few things about this very wonderful woman…

My mom was an amazing person. She had a beautiful soul and was and will continue to be an inspiration to me. She was my mother. She was my rock. She was my shelter. She was my confidant and she was my friend. She was and will always be a part of my soul.

She was very intelligent, funny, honest and beautiful, but amazingly humble about her accomplishments and any compliments paid her. While although she considered herself to be shy, she was always the first one to step forth and offer assistance – the first one to make sure that everyone and everything was alright. She was quiet and calm, but had a sneaky way of suddenly making you laugh so hard you’d just about pee your pants.

She made you feel warm and safe. She made you feel like you were the most important thing around. She always made time to talk and she always had time to listen. Whatever the problem, small or large, she’d take the time to help you work it out. I can’t begin to count the times that she took one of my seemingly insurmountable problems and made it virtually disappear.

She never seemed to tire and she’d never give up on helping someone until the task was absolutely accomplished. She gave her entire life to helping others and never asked for help in return. And even if you offered help to her, she’d slyly turn the situation around and end up helping you with something instead. I’ve honestly never known anyone quite so giving of their time and energy.

My mom had one of the truest smiles you’d ever see. She was a genuinely happy and loving person. Sure, she had her moments, but they were literally only moments. She had an amazingly positive outlook on life and a total confidence in the goodness of people. I admire her so much for her ability to always see that goodness. I will admit to being rather cynical and she has always been a great model for the benefit of putting such cynicism aside.

I will never get over missing my mom. I will never get over missing her smile and her words of wisdom. I will forever miss her four-minute long phone messages with her breakdown of what everyone in the family was doing. I will forever regret that she won’t get to experience the growing love of her grandchildren. I will always be sad that we didn’t get to carry out all of our plans for the future. I will forever feel that she was grossly cheated in the way of life. There are so many things I will miss and feel for my mom, but if I listed them all, this entry would surely become a novel.

However, even though I will always miss my mom’s physical presence, I know that there is no need to miss her spiritual presence. She will always be with me and I know that she’s still looking out for me. I know that she’s continuing to take care of my family and I can feel her spirit in every part of my life. She was such a strong, brave and amazing woman – right to her last breath. I know that such strength doesn’t just fade away with the frailty of the body.

My mom was true. She was an extraordinary soul with a genuine desire to do good in the world. My true wish is to carry on her legacy – to do good by her name. I know it isn’t always the easiest road to travel, but if I keep her in my heart, I’m hoping she’ll help me out. Just like she always did…

I love you, mom and I miss you so much. I wish you unimaginable peace and beauty. I wish you all of happiness you always brought to me. You are truly my Perfect Spot. I hope that you have found your perfect spot.